I fear death, not dying

I am not afraid of dying. I can say with confidence that if God decided to end my life on this earth right now, I would be ok with that (not that I would have a choice). But I do look forward to an eternity of being in His presence so much that I know it is far better than the best things on this earth. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.
But what I do fear is death. I fear losing people that I am close to before it is my time to go. This is one of my greatest fears. It is selfish, I suppose. I don't want to live this life without those who are dear to me. The possibility of losing my parents, friends, family or my students is a deep-seated fear that I need to learn to give up to God. Death is not something that is in any way in my control, so I do not know why I bother worrying about it. But it is something that I need to address with God. All of those people whom I love so dearly are not mine to hold onto. They are children of God and therefore belong to Him. I have been incredibly blessed to have them in my life and I hope I never take that for granted.
I have experienced great pain and sadness in death already, but I cannot honestly say that I know how I would treat God if I were to experience a death that would completely alter my life. I would want to trust Him, love Him, cry out to Him and find peace and comfort in Him, but I don't know if I would. I have prayed that He will prepare my heart so that I will love Him no matter what may happen in this filthy, sinful world. I want to love Him so deeply, so passionately that the love I have for my beloved family and friends looks like hate in comparison to the love I have for Christ.

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:25-26 

You may be wondering what the point of this blog post is, why I am sharing this (as I am beginning to wonder myself). But I think I wanted to share it because it is something God put on my heart today. I have been struggling lately with realizing how many idols I have in my life that are distracting me from my relationship with God. The people I love is one of them. If I lose that, will I still stand firm because I have been on my knees? If my whole world crumbles, will I allow God to be my strength and my comfort? 

I do know that I have a Savior who has a marvelous victory over death and I am confident in that truth. For that, I am grateful.

⁵⁴ When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

   “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
⁵⁵“O death, where is your victory?
   O death, where is your sting?”

 ⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

 ⁵⁸ Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:54-58

God has no "til death do us part". God and the relationship that I have with Him is forever. He alone knows the number of each person's days. Job says, "Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed," and the Psalmist says, "Show me, O LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." On this earth, life will be short and full of pain and suffering. But I am eternally His. Death has no sting.