I Have Confidence

For those of you who share and appreciate my love for The Sound of Music, I included the song so you can listen to it :)

Yesterday marked the two week point of when I will be leaving. As the time gets nearer, I find that my excitement is less and less and other feelings have begun to take over. I realized the other day (as I was listening to my Sound of Music soundtrack, of course) that my sentiments are very much the same as Maria's in the beginning of the song "I Have Confidence":

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

Not only has fear of the adventure itself entered into my mind, but also a strong hesitancy to leave this place, even for such a short period of time. I am surrounded by people who I love and who love me in return, and people who I am simply comfortable with. Not only that, but there are several friendships that I have developed recently that I enjoy and want to encourage. I have been allowing myself to do that, but it's difficult to begin friendships as I'm preparing to leave for ten months.

Many of these thoughts began after our high school summer camp, at which a staff member (who was a very close friend of several of my dear friends) and a student drowned in a waterfall. Based on what I know and what I have heard time and time again from others, both of those guys loved Jesus with all their hearts and wanted so badly to see others do the same. While I know that these brothers of mine are with Jesus and filled with great joy and I long for that day for myself, it is hard to see them go. It also triggers so many feelings of wanting to be with people I love and not leave them for fear of things that could possibly happen.

All this time I have been planning on going to Capernwray, I have been gearing myself up to go on this adventure and meet new people that I will spend the next several months with. But recently my desire has been to remain with those I already know and love. I am nervous and fearful.

But not unlike Maria in the song, my strength and confidence lies in Christ. I have seen evidence of and know that it is in God's timing for me to go to Capernwray right now and learn to trust Him and seek Him in the ways that He chooses to teach me. I know that being taken out of my comfort zone during a time of vulnerability will cause me to trust in Jesus in a way that I have never had the opportunity to do before.

I was expressing to a friend and mentor about a year ago how I was hesitant to leave my role in my church's youth group as high school girl's staff for a significant year in many of the girls' lives since many of them will be juniors this year. I love them all so very much and don't even want to leave their lives for a short time. Her response to me was that maybe they will be impacted by how I am acting in obedience to what is next in my relationship and life adventure with Christ. Some of my first thoughts included that while I was acting in obedience, I was also completely thrilled and excited at that point to go and live in another country for some time and study the Bible. But what she told me has stuck with me and now I see that even though it will be beyond difficult for me to leave, I will act in obedience and find my strength in Christ alone.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,  and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.  For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,  in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 
Colossians 1:9-14

Please pray for me in response to this and in line with what scripture says about being strengthened and trusting God. 

Thank you to those who continue to encourage me and remind me that it is only ten months!