At my sister's house, my nephew's room doubles as the guest room when there is company over. Since I have been staying with her, I have been sleeping in Ryley's bed while he sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag. Last night I went to bed about three hours later than Ryley and as I was going in to go to bed, I noticed that Ryley was having trouble sleeping soundly. He was still half asleep, but he was letting out sobbing sounds and it seemed as if his whole body was writhing in pain. My assumption was that he was having a bad dream. It pained me to see him bothered by something so strongly that it overtook his whole body and kept him from sleeping. I knelt by his side and tried to gently coax him out of it. His response was so distorted that it was unintelligible. I gently said his name and wanted so badly to just be able to pick him up and hold him in my arms to comfort him, but he wasn't responding to me. He just continued, half asleep and in pain, denying my help or not even fully recognizing that I was there. All I wanted was to do everything and anything I could to help him.
It made me wonder if that is how God often feels with His children. When we are distraught and trying so desperately to endure a time of pain and suffering, we sometimes try to endure it on our own or don't trust God completely with what we are suffering through. Somehow we don't recognize the voice of God gently reminding us of His presence and His arms longing to hold us in a comforting embrace. But we fail to cry out and invite Him to do so.
As it turned out, Ryley was having bad dreams and his tummy hurt, for which the instant cure was crawling in bed with his mommy. He is just fine today. While I did not enjoy those moments of watching him suffer as I sat helpless at his side, I am grateful for them. It shed a new light for me on how God must feel at times when I am trying to struggle through something on my own and am unwilling to give it up and trust Him completely and rest in His peace and comfort. It doesn't mean that He will make it all go away, but learning to trust Him and persevere by His strength will in the end draw me so much closer to His heart which is so much more valuable and glorifying to Him than having endured something on my own.
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:9-11
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Ephesians 6:10
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Psalm 32:7
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