Written November 1...

I realize I won’t get the chance to post this until next week, but I am in a writing mood at the moment!

My backpack is packed and ready for a weekend trip to Edinburgh, Scotland. I made a last phone call home before I check out for the weekend. Talking to my parents, both my sisters, a sleepy 5-year old nephew and hearing my 6 month old nephew laughing really struck a homesickness chord somewhere inside of me. I have to confess that I really haven’t been as homesick as I expected myself to be. I thought I would miss home terribly. It is true that I do really miss people, especially at certain moments when something reminds me of them, I am thinking of them, or I just plain want to be with them. But it actually has been a blessing that I haven’t been too terribly homesick because I am able to focus more on building relationships and studying here in ways that I would probably be held back from somewhat had I been wallowing in self pity missing home. But tonight, I’m feeling it.

It’s probably a good thing that I’m leaving for Edinburgh in the morning because I will be so busy doing things that will surely get my mind off of it. Several people have asked me today if I’m excited for this weekend, but strangely enough, I’m not as much as I feel like I should be. It’s almost like there are still times when I forget where I am and how cool it is that I get to be here because I have spent so much time holed up in this castle for the past couple of weeks! I know my excitement will increase as we get on the coach and head towards our destination tomorrow. I am travelling with a group of 8 other girls and staying in a mixed room hostel, which is a little bit interesting, but the hostel doesn’t seem sketchy. It’s actually pretty nice. A couple of the friends I am travelling with have been to Edinburgh before so I am just going with the flow and haven’t done much research for it...none, actually. It’s honestly kind of nice to sit back and enjoy the ride for once and not have my head spinning with making plans. I am looking forward to it. And I will be attending church in St. Gile’s Cathedral on Sunday...how cool is that?

I know in my last post I was struggling to find the words to express the things that have been on my heart as I’ve been learning here in the past 5 weeks. Maybe I’ll give it another shot since I’m sitting in my room instead of in a pub with limited time and distracting friends!

We often have a couple of lecture series going on at the same time which is maybe why it’s a little bit more complicated for me to organize my thoughts enough to express them here. Some of the things I have been learning have been reinforcing things I have already known. It’s always good to be reminded of biblical truths. Some of the things we are learning are applying biblical truths to practical things like time management and budget planning. And yet others are calling me into a deeper relationship of trusting Jesus as my all. Something so simple and so basic in the Christian life, and yet I am still working on giving up so many things to Him so that I can completely abandon myself and my selfish desires and be utterly and completely His. Weak clay in the strong hands of the Potter.

Because I know that many of you have said you would be praying for me while I am here, I want to be a little bit brutally honest right now so you can know where my heart is at and pray for me. I just want to share with you a couple of things that I am working on surrendering to Christ. One is my worries...I often worry far more than I should. This has increased just being away from home. I have been holding on to a lot of fears of things that could happen while I’m not home, not that me being home could necessarily change anything. But it’s just something that sometimes takes over my thoughts. But I can tell that God is working on my heart there. The more I surrender those things to Him in prayer, the less I seem to worry. It makes sense.

The other thing is a sense of pride. Since being here, I have heard some conversations and seen some actions that deeply sadden and disappoint me to see coming from brothers and sisters in Christ (also knowing that not everyone here may be a Christian). But then I find myself questioning their motives for being here. When I catch myself in those thoughts, I am so horrified because I am in no way in any position to judge the hearts of people. That is a job only cut out for our Creator! And yet I still find myself doing it, or sometimes holding onto impressions of people that are not so good instead of just loving them anyway. I don’t really understand where this sense of pride is coming from and why it is surfacing in my mind here and now, but my guess is that it could be God’s way of showing me something that needs to be addressed in my heart, something I need to give over to Him and be more obedient to love others and care for others as Jesus did, despite who they were or what their intentions were.

Well, my roommates are going to bed so that’s my cue! I need to get some sleep tonight to be rested up for my travels tomorrow. I have been in awe of the details that I’ve been learning, simply by looking at passages of Scripture closer than I have before, dissecting them, and including some background or other things such as what certain words are in the original language. One of the things that struck me the most was the word compassion and what that means and the way it was used by or about Jesus in the New Testament. I don’t have time to explain it now, but if I don’t post about it in the next couple of weeks, feel free to remind me on facebook or something!